Etiquette quick guide

The underlying principle

Chinese social etiquette is primarily structured around two concepts: hierarchy (who is senior, who is guest) and face (miànzi, 面子 — reputation and social standing in front of others). Most of the rules below are applications of these two principles. Understanding the reasoning makes them easier to remember and apply.

At the table: the most common occasion for etiquette

Seating: At a formal dinner, the most honoured guest sits facing the door (and facing the host). The host sits with their back to the door. This is the default at restaurants and is sometimes explicitly arranged. At a round table, there may be a clear 'head' position; wait to be shown where to sit.

Starting the meal: Don't start eating before the host invites you. The phrase is usually '请 (qǐng)' or '吃吧 (chī ba)' — 'please, eat'. At informal family meals this is brief; at business banquets it may be accompanied by toasts.

Toasting: Stand to toast formally. Hold your glass with both hands. When clinking glasses with someone more senior, lower your glass slightly below theirs — a gesture of deference. At the end of a toast, drink a defined amount: gānbēi (干杯, 'dry cup') means finish the glass; suíyì (随意, 'as you please') means drink what you want. Do not drain a beer glass at every toast unless you want to be severely inebriated by the soup course.

Pouring drinks: Pour for the people next to you; they'll pour for you. It is considered poor form to pour your own drink while others' glasses are empty. Resting the back of your finger on the table beside someone's cup is a gesture of thanks when they pour for you — it traces back to historical court etiquette.

Chopsticks: Do not stick them vertically into a bowl of rice — this mimics incense burned at funerals and is sharply inauspicious. Do not pass food chopstick-to-chopstick — same funerary connotation. Rest them across your bowl or on the chopstick rest when not using them. It is acceptable to use them to serve others from shared dishes (use the serving end if there is one).

Sharing dishes: Chinese meals are almost always shared from common dishes in the centre of the table. You are not expected to serve only from the dish nearest you. Use the serving spoon if provided; use your own chopsticks if there's no serving utensil and no serving chopsticks are provided.

Ordering (when you're the host): If you're paying or playing host, order more than the table can eat — a table with empty dishes at the end reads as the host being stingy. Order one dish per person plus a soup and a vegetable dish as a baseline.

Paying the bill: There is usually a competition for who pays the bill, particularly in a business context. The host generally pays, or the most senior person, or whoever invited the group. Accepting a meal from a Chinese host without reciprocating at a future meeting is noticed. If you're a foreign guest repeatedly being taken out, you will be expected to host in return eventually.

Business cards

Both hands to give and receive. Receive a card and read it — don't pocket it immediately. Lay it on the table in front of you during a meeting; don't write on it. Having a double-sided card with English on one side and Chinese on the other is the standard for anyone doing regular business in China.

Gift-giving: what to bring, what to avoid

If invited to a Chinese home, bring a gift. Appropriate choices: - Fresh fruit (a quality selection, not just one apple) - High-grade tea (good packaging matters) - Wine or spirits (higher-tier quality only; baijiu from a respected brand) - Quality baked goods or imported sweets - For children: educational toys or books (practical gifts are well-received)

**Gifts to avoid**: - **Clocks** (送钟, sòng zhōng — 'giving a clock' is a homophone for 'attending someone's funeral ritual') - **Pears** (梨, lí — homophone for separation, 离) - **White or yellow flowers** (associated with funerals) - **Green hats** (戴绿帽子, 'wearing a green hat' idiomatically means being cuckolded) - **Umbrellas** (散, sǎn, homophone for 'break up') - **Shoes** (gives the impression you want someone to walk away from you)

On receiving gifts: Chinese convention often involves refusing a gift once or twice before accepting — this is polite, not a genuine rejection. Insist gently. Gifts are sometimes not opened in front of the giver; don't interpret this as indifference.

At religious sites

At Buddhist temples, Taoist shrines, mosques, and churches: - Walk clockwise around the main hall and any stupas. - Do not touch monks' robes, religious statues, or objects on the altars. - Photography inside prayer halls is often restricted — check signs before raising a camera. Photography of monks during prayer is particularly sensitive. - Modest dress is expected — cover shoulders and knees. Some temples have scarves available at the entrance; a light scarf in your bag is a practical preparation. - Donation boxes are present; small donations (¥5–10) are welcome but not required.

With elders

Greet elders first. Address by surname + title when you first meet: 王先生 (Wáng Xiānsheng, Mr Wang), 李老师 (Lǐ Lǎoshī, Teacher Li) — not by first name unless invited. Pour their tea before your own. Stand when they enter a room (in more traditional households and formal contexts). These gestures are noticed and appreciated, even if the elder dismisses them with 'bù yòng kèqì' (don't need to be polite).

Photography

Photography of government buildings, military installations, police officers, and personnel at checkpoints is restricted and can result in deletion of photos or more significant consequences in sensitive areas. In Xinjiang and Tibet, particular care is warranted.

Photographing local people in daily life — market vendors, rural workers, temple-goers — requires basic courtesy. A smile and a gesture toward your camera usually signals the question; most people either pose or wave you off. Don't photograph people who indicate they don't want to be photographed.

Queuing and personal space

Chinese cities have different personal-space norms than Northern Europe or North America. Metro queues form but can be more fluid at peak times; bumping on the street does not require apologies in the same way. Pushing to enter a lift before exiting passengers are out is a common irritation — most metro systems now have painted floor arrows indicating exit and entry paths, but compliance varies by city and age group.

For foreigners: don't interpret jostling as hostility. It is not. Maintain your own personal-space preferences by position and calm assertiveness rather than verbal confrontation.

What not to bring up in conversation

Taiwan (the political status), Tibet (human rights and autonomy), Xinjiang (cultural suppression, the terminology 'concentration camps'), the Tiananmen Square events of 1989, and the political history of the CCP are subjects where strongly stated foreign opinions will create friction. Chinese counterparts may have complex and varied private views that differ from official positions — they're unlikely to share them with a foreign acquaintance. The general principle: ask questions, listen, do not assert.